Friday, July 31, 2009

why a grown woman like me had to crawl in bed with her mommy

the other day i started cleaning out the garage so i could start packing my crap 
and start a pile, when i noticed a long, i mean  l    o     n      g  black snake 
slithering along a ledge on the wall.

now, i have no problem with snakes; as long as they are not in my living space. 
the garage? your living space? you ask? well, this story wouldn't be so bad, except that this long, nasty, evil serpent of satan crawled right into a small hole leading to the attic.  another reason this story gets worse is that the attic shares a wall with my bedroom! that's right.

i couldn't believe my eyes, or my luck. my room was no longer my place of refuge, but a hell hole of fear. i couldn't walk in without looking around the ground and imagining this snake making babies across the wall and them crawling through my vent into my bed.

SO, i called animal control, but they wouldn't go in attics, so i called pest control guys and they wanted to charge me 200 bones! so i had to live like this all week. my world was not the same i tell you! the first night, i couldn't sleep, so i snuck into my momma's bed. the next couple nights, i was a little braver and slept in my own bed, but with light on!
 how pathetic.

so today as i was opening the garage door i see the little sucker hiding under a pile of wood and call animal control again. they rejected me again, so i called my small neighborhood police department. the lady was nice, and said she'd send someone out right away. so i stood there. 
                                        and stood there, 
                                                                     and stood there,
                                                                                                   and paced back and forth, 

without moving my eyes from this wood pile. then it dawned on me that i should cover the snake's passageway to the attic. this was my feeble attempt:

first i tried plastic bags... no good.

then a hoe... no good.

then a flip flop... no good.

then a noodle... no good.

i gave up.

so after 30 minutes of pacing i call the police chick back and ask what the deal is. she says they were busy with a disturbance call so she doesn't know when they'll get to me.

this is when i take matters into my own hands.

 i google "how to catch a snake" (i don't know what i would do without this trusty internet friend.)

i call annette to see if she's in on my snake catching plan. no luck... the poor girl just couldn't oblige.

so it's just the mom and me; each with gardening gloves on and a broom in our hands. the big trash can is lying down on its side with the lid off. we start moving wood away looking for this evil thing. as we do so, my prayers are answered! i hear a beat up old chevy truck roar up the driveway and out come an old rugged man with a pack of ciggies in his shirt pocket. he brings a shovel and without speaking much, starts moving the wood like it was nothing. i hear another car, and it is ANNETTE exclaiming that she felt so bad that she turned me down! (could she be any sweeter?) the answer is no.  

my hero eventually finds the snake and pushes him into the trash can with a stick. my life is back to normal. i can breathe again!

before he leaves, i ask where he lives so i can bake him cookies since he saved 
my sanity (and life). he mumbles something and leaves with the snake and our trash can. (he returns it later.)

cAN you believe:

A.  that i almost did that myself?
B. how big that bad boy is? i swear at least 4 feet long!

yeah. me neither.


Noel said...

ha! Shay...i love your snake story. you are so brave. I would have laid in bed at night, closed my eyes real tight, and tell myself over and over again that there would be no snake in my room.
Talk about deal w/ reality girl..i'm impressed!

Heather Jim said...

ewwww... you are braver than i am. no freakin' way i'm even staying in a house with a snake in it. seriously... you are BRAVE!

The Kodak Moments of our Life said...

YUCK!!! That story totally gave me the chills and then seeing the snake!! AHHH!! That is one NASTY snake! I won't have been able to sleep either. I'm SO glad you caught that thing!

Annette said...

Well written, my spunky little sista! This will definately be one to remember!

The Lingo Family said...

You are so BRAVE!!!! I hope that snake doesn't have relatives ... in your attic!!!! (just kidding)

Amanda and Steve said...

Ewwww! I am SO glad that it emerged again for you to get rid of it.

AJ said...

That is what nightmares are made of! Yay for the snake-wrangler showing up!

AJ said...

That is what nightmares are made of! Yay for the snake-wrangler showing up!