the day i heard

i was finally starting to look pregnant in a cute way. the awkward chubbiness had turned into a small "bump" and i was excited. my semester had just finished and i was on a holiday high as i baked batches and batches of cookies for my friends and neighbors. i turned the oven off and put the rest of the dough in the fridge to finish later. before i hopped in the shower, i turned on a baby einstein movie to entertain the boy. my shower was warm and refreshing especially since i had plans. i was going to go visiting teaching and felt like dressing cute since my morning sickness was fading. my clothes were now on, my hair done, and i was curling my eyelashes when the phone rang. i looked down to see "dad calling" on my cell phone screen. i almost didn't answer because i was now running late. my gut told me otherwise and i reluctantly opened the phone to say hello.

" shalynn, are you busy, are you home?" i could hear something wrong in his voice.

"yes. what's wrong?" i replied as my stomach started to sink.

"something has happened." my dad started to cry. this is the worst sound in my world.
with each passing milli second, my mind hopped to each of my family members. mom, taylor, etc... mark was last.

"what dad? tell me. tell me."

"mark was killed last night."

i literally dropped to the floor. before i could start crying i told my dad that he was joking.

"no dad, no. your joking. your joking right?"

"of course i'm not joking." he said,

as i lay on my bathroom floor, my father is crying as he gives me a couple details about mark's death. all i know is that he risked his life for his team and the mission was successful. as we cry together, i ask my dad if he has told my sisters yet. jennifer won't answer her phone and noel is on her way to my house. he tells me he will call her. i hang up and scream. it's one of the few times in my life when i scream as i sob. i dial david and he can't understand me. i get the words out and tell him to come home now. i call jennifer and she answers.

"have you talked to dad yet?"

"no, why? what's wrong?" she's at the hospital waiting for carlos to get out of an outpatient surgery. i debate whether i should tell her now, but she already knows by my hysteria that something is not right.

"mark died."

"who, what?" she can't understand me as i sob loudly.

"MARK our brother. he's gone!"

"i'll call you back. dad's calling me." she hangs up.

david gets there before noel and finds me still on the floor. his eyes are wet and he holds me. the boy finally comes in the room to find out what is going on and he joins our hug. noel rings the doorbell and david runs to answer. my sister and i embrace on the floor and cry.

making holiday cookies will never be the same.