Monday, November 24, 2008

the day i heard

i was finally starting to look pregnant in a cute way. the awkward chubbiness had turned into a small "bump" and i was excited. my semester had just finished and i was on a holiday high as i baked batches and batches of cookies for my friends and neighbors. i turned the oven off and put the rest of the dough in the fridge to finish later. before i hopped in the shower, i turned on a baby einstein movie to entertain the boy. my shower was warm and refreshing especially since i had plans. i was going to go visiting teaching and felt like dressing cute since my morning sickness was fading. my clothes were now on, my hair done, and i was curling my eyelashes when the phone rang. i looked down to see "dad calling" on my cell phone screen. i almost didn't answer because i was now running late. my gut told me otherwise and i reluctantly opened the phone to say hello.

" shalynn, are you busy, are you home?" i could hear something wrong in his voice.

"yes. what's wrong?" i replied as my stomach started to sink.

"something has happened." my dad started to cry. this is the worst sound in my world.
with each passing milli second, my mind hopped to each of my family members. mom, taylor, etc... mark was last.

"what dad? tell me. tell me."

"mark was killed last night."

i literally dropped to the floor. before i could start crying i told my dad that he was joking.

"no dad, no. your joking. your joking right?"

"of course i'm not joking." he said,

as i lay on my bathroom floor, my father is crying as he gives me a couple details about mark's death. all i know is that he risked his life for his team and the mission was successful. as we cry together, i ask my dad if he has told my sisters yet. jennifer won't answer her phone and noel is on her way to my house. he tells me he will call her. i hang up and scream. it's one of the few times in my life when i scream as i sob. i dial david and he can't understand me. i get the words out and tell him to come home now. i call jennifer and she answers.

"have you talked to dad yet?"

"no, why? what's wrong?" she's at the hospital waiting for carlos to get out of an outpatient surgery. i debate whether i should tell her now, but she already knows by my hysteria that something is not right.

"mark died."

"who, what?" she can't understand me as i sob loudly.

"MARK our brother. he's gone!"

"i'll call you back. dad's calling me." she hangs up.

david gets there before noel and finds me still on the floor. his eyes are wet and he holds me. the boy finally comes in the room to find out what is going on and he joins our hug. noel rings the doorbell and david runs to answer. my sister and i embrace on the floor and cry.

making holiday cookies will never be the same.

8 comments:

Anne said...

thanks for sharing that heartbreaking moment, shay. i really am so sorry.

Angela said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Mathews Four said...

All my love to you and your family right now. I was very touched by your post. It's very interesting to me that in those life changing moments (good or bad) we remember such simple tasks and circumstances of the day so vividly. I can't imagine the pain your family must have and still feels. Your brother was a hero and I absolutely give my thanks to him and his whole entire family for the sacrifice you all have made. Love you!
-J

The Bradley's said...

Shay, I'm so sorry for your loss. That was really brave to be so candid on your blog. I love you guys and hope the days will become easier sooner than later.

jennifer said...

shay,
i've been avoiding all those feelings, and this confirms i'm just going to have to deal with them this holiday. it'll be a hard thanksgiving and christmas. love you.

Mindy said...

We are so sorry Shalynn. You and your family are in our prayers.
Steve and Mindy

Tara said...

Oh Shay, I want to cry with you. Thank you for sharing your touching and personal memory. The year of "firsts" is always the hardest. Hopefully, as this "first" year ends, the healing will keep getting stronger and stronger.
Hugs, kisses, and prayers

Taylor said...

Thank you Shay for your words. I Love you and I know Mark does too! Time stopped that day didn't it.